Teaching Children Self-Control through Biblical and Christian Counseling

Introduction

Self-control is an essential virtue in a child’s upbringing, as it helps them manage their emotions, behaviors, and desires to achieve long-term goals. The Bible and Christian counseling provide valuable guidance on teaching self-control to children. By incorporating these principles, parents and caregivers can equip children with the necessary tools to lead a spiritually grounded life. This essay explores the methods and approaches in teaching self-control to children based on biblical counseling and Christian counseling principles.

I. Understanding Self-Control from a Biblical Perspective

A. Definition of Self-Control: Self-control, also known as “temperance” or “discipline,” is the ability to regulate one’s thoughts, emotions, and actions in a manner consistent with God’s will. It is one of the nine fruits of the Holy Spirit listed in Galatians 5:22-23.

B. Importance of Self-Control in the Bible: Scriptures emphasize the significance of self-control in several passages, such as Proverbs 25:28, 2 Timothy 1:7, and Titus 2:11-12. These verses highlight that a life of self-control is vital for spiritual growth and resisting temptations.

II. Christian Counseling Principles for Teaching Self-Control

A. Role Modeling and Parental Influence: Children learn self-control by observing the behavior and attitudes of their parents and caregivers. Christian counseling encourages parents to exemplify self-control in their lives by walking in the Spirit and nurturing a close relationship with God (Ephesians 5:1).

B. Establishing a Consistent Routine: Establishing a consistent daily routine for children helps them develop self-discipline and responsibility. Regular schedules for meals, bedtime, chores, and other activities provide structure and predictability, which foster self-control.

C. Setting Clear Expectations and Boundaries: Children need to understand the expectations and boundaries set by their parents. Christian counseling promotes the importance of setting clear rules and consequences for misbehavior. This approach aligns with the biblical principle of discipline found in Proverbs 13:24 and Hebrews 12:11.

D. Encouraging Emotional Intelligence: Helping children recognize and express their emotions appropriately is crucial for developing self-control. Christian counseling principles support teaching children empathy, compassion, and forgiveness while guiding them in managing their feelings in a healthy way.

III. Practical Techniques to Teach Self-Control

A. Teaching Delayed Gratification: The concept of delayed gratification can be taught through activities like waiting for a turn, saving money for a desired item, or patiently waiting for a special event. These experiences help children understand the value of self-control in achieving long-term satisfaction.

B. Reinforcing Positive Behaviors: Rewarding children for displaying self-control can reinforce the behavior. Positive reinforcement includes verbal praise, small treats, or special privileges. This approach is consistent with the biblical principle of encouragement (1 Thessalonians 5:11).

C. Guided Meditation and Prayer: Teaching children to meditate and pray can help them develop self-awareness and emotional regulation. In a Christian context, meditation involves focusing on God’s Word and praying for guidance and strength.

D. Developing Problem-Solving Skills: Encourage children to think critically and find solutions to problems, as it fosters self-control and decision-making abilities. Engage them in age-appropriate discussions about moral dilemmas and ethical choices to help them think through potential consequences.

IV. Addressing Challenges in Teaching Self-Control

A. Recognizing Individual Differences: Children have unique temperaments, strengths, and weaknesses. It is essential to recognize and accommodate these individual differences when teaching self-control, being patient and adjusting the approach as needed.

B. Balancing Discipline and Grace: Christian counseling emphasizes the importance of balancing discipline with grace. While enforcing rules and boundaries is essential, showing compassion and understanding is equally crucial. Ephesians 6:4 advises parents not to provoke their children to anger but to bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

C. Navigating Cultural Influences: Contemporary culture often promotes instant gratification, which may hinder the development of self-control in children. Parents and caregivers should be vigilant in monitoring media exposure, engaging in open discussions about cultural influences, and providing a counter-narrative rooted in biblical principles.

V. The Role of Faith in Developing Self-Control

A. Reliance on the Holy Spirit: Christian counseling emphasizes the importance of relying on the Holy Spirit in teaching and developing self-control. As a fruit of the Spirit, self-control is a product of spiritual growth and maturation. Encourage children to pray for the Holy Spirit’s guidance and strength in their journey towards self-control.

B. Cultivating a Personal Relationship with God: Nurturing a child’s relationship with God helps them develop a strong foundation for self-control. Encourage regular Bible reading, prayer, and participation in church activities to foster a deeper understanding of God’s will and character.

Conclusion

Teaching children self-control through biblical counseling and Christian counseling principles is a valuable approach to fostering their spiritual, emotional, and behavioral development. By incorporating biblical principles, practical techniques, and an understanding of individual differences, parents and caregivers can effectively guide children towards a life of self-control and spiritual growth. Ultimately, a strong foundation in self-control, coupled with a nurturing relationship with God, will help children navigate life’s challenges and become responsible, compassionate, and spiritually grounded individuals.

Practical Steps In Fostering Self-Control In Adolescents

THE ISSUE

Consider a situation where your six-year-old child exhibits little self-restraint. He impulsively desires things and may even act aggressively when upset. You question whether this is standard behavior, a fleeting phase, or the right time to nurture self-control in him.

PERTINENT INFORMATION

Present-day society erodes self-control. Dr. David Walsh observes that our permissive culture consistently conveys the message that we should indulge our desires, a notion propagated by well-intentioned self-help experts and profit-seeking individuals alike. Teaching self-control early is crucial. In a longitudinal study, four-year-olds were given a marshmallow and told they could eat it immediately or wait for a short period to receive an additional marshmallow. Upon graduating high school, the children who exhibited self-control at four displayed superior emotional, social, and academic outcomes compared to their peers. The consequences of not teaching self-control can be severe. Researchers contend that a child’s experiences can alter their brain circuitry. Dr. Dan Kindlon explains that overindulging children and failing to teach them patience, delayed gratification, and temptation resistance might prevent the neural changes associated with strong character development.

PRACTICAL STRATEGIES

Lead by example: Demonstrate self-control in your own behavior. Are you prone to losing your temper in traffic, cutting in line, or interrupting others? Dr. Kindlon emphasizes the importance of modeling self-control for our children to follow. (Biblical principle: Romans 12:9)
Teach consequences: In an age-appropriate manner, help your child understand the benefits of resisting urges and the costs of succumbing to them. Assist them in considering alternative, constructive ways to handle situations, such as managing anger or conflict. (Biblical principle: Galatians 6:7)
Offer praise and encouragement: Commend your child for displaying self-control and acknowledge the strength it takes to suppress urges. The Bible states that a person who cannot control their temper is akin to a city without walls (Proverbs 25:28) but one who is slow to anger surpasses the mighty (Proverbs 16:32).
Engage in practice: Create role-playing games like “What Would You Do?” or “Good Choices, Bad Choices” to explore potential scenarios and discuss appropriate responses. Use creative methods, such as puppets or drawings, to make the activity enjoyable and educational, helping your child appreciate the value of self-control over impulsivity. (Biblical principle: Proverbs 29:11)
Exercise patience: The Bible suggests that “foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child” (Proverbs 22:15). Therefore, understand that developing self-control is a gradual process involving progress, setbacks, and more progress. The book Teach Your Children Well highlights the long-term benefits of cultivating self-control, enabling the child to resist temptations like drugs or premature sexual activity.

ENCOURAGE POSITIVE BEHAVIOR

Even toddlers can begin learning self-control. The book Generation Me explains that giving in to a child’s tantrums can teach them that crying is an effective way to get what they want. Instead, reward good behavior to instill self-control and social skills.

KEY SCRIPTURES

“Let your love be without hypocrisy.”—Romans 12:9.
“Whatever a person is sowing, this he will also reap.”—Galatians 6:7.
“A stupid person gives vent to all his feelings, but the wise one calmly keeps them in check.”—Proverbs 29:11.

EDWARD D. ANDREWS (AS in Criminal Justice, BS in Religion, MA in Biblical Studies, and MDiv in Theology) is CEO and President of Christian Publishing House. He has authored over 220+ books. In addition, Andrews is the Chief Translator of the Updated American Standard Version (UASV).